Beijing - (Cosmic Mess): The Pentagon has blamed giant fissures in traditional Chinese astrological thinking for the obliteration of key underground nuclear weapons factories in Sichuan Province.
"The Neo-Taoist obsession with the the Zi Wei Dou Shu prediction system may have blinded Maoist military planners," General V Smart of the Pentagon's Sino-Seismic Research Unit said today.
"Why else site the country's nuclear weapons design HQ at the city of Mianyang, a tectonic plate hellhole located some 100km from the epicenter of the quake?
"This is supposed to be China's luckiest year for centuries," Smart added, "based on the supreme good fortune of the astrological Rat and the number 8.
"Well, so far the Year of Rat has wiped out the entire stockpile of 500 DF-5A long range missile capable of striking targets over 1,000 targets throughout United States," Smart continued with a gleam in his eyes."
Additionally the Pentagon thinks China has lost its main production site manufacturing the newly upgraded submarine-launched ballistic missile the Julang-1 as well as Plant 821 which makes all their nuclear warhead fuel.
At Guangyuan the country's massive military production reactor and facilities that mine spent fuel for plutonium were also buried under the 7.9 Richter Scale tremor.
"Chairman Mao would be spitting venom by now if he was alove," Smart concluded.