Written by Raymond Bentos
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Topics: Earth

Friday, 16 May 2008

image for Emperor Ming denies responsibility for world catastrophes
Ming: 'Absolutely nothing to do with me... mwahahaaaaa'

In a carefully phrased statement from the Planet Mongo, General Klytus has broken months of media speculation regarding the true cause of the earthquakes, tsunamis and cyclones that have devastated the Earth since the beginning of 2008.

Reading from the words of the Emperor of the Universe himself in front of an assembled crowd of Hawkmen, Claymen and human journalists selected for their similarity to Dale Arden, the leader of Ming's Secret Service categorically denied any use of Mongo's arsenal of death rays and destructo-guns.

'For decades, I have ruled my planet and all its minions with an iron but fair hand', declared the gold mask-wearing lackey between casual sniffs of a silk kerchief. 'It is outrageous for the assembled Governments of your puny rock to suggest I would lower myself to creating such theatrical diversions as floods, tidal waves and other disasters. They are clearly all being caused by Global Warming, a planet-wide problem you pathetic earthlings would avoid if you used rocket ships and transporter rays more regularly'.

A number of the assembled crowd listening to the Emperor's speech were clearly less than convinced however. When questioned by Dr. Hans Zharkov, formerly of NASA and now leader of one of Mongo's smaller moons about the hot hail storms currently showering much of the United States' Eastern seaboard, Klytus appeared uncomfortable for a few seconds until, with a click of the fingers, Zharkov was immediately vaporised by a floating guard drone.

The press conference ended shortly afterwards, with assembled guests escorted out to a background soundtrack played by Queen.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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