The Vatican - In a recent statement, the church announced that it had irrefutably proven that the concept of evolution and all theories associated with it are all just "a Bunch of Horrible Lies Designed to Corrupt the Youth and the Educated".
In its statement, the church included several quotes from an entirely fictional, yet somewhat philosophical piece of literature, taken completely out of context, to prove beyond all doubt that any and all scientific theories arrived at by means of the scientific method, tried and tested in well equipped laboratories by the learned and the scholarly, are nothing but evil mind-poison created by Lucifer himself to torment all who follow the light and to test the extent of the human mind's capability for blind belief.
It has also been declared by the church that the media is partly to blame for this mendacity by allowing programs with obviously evil titles such as The Big Bang Theory and Mythbusters to confuse minors into thinking that science is 'cool'.
"This is in fact not so," said the spokesperson for the church, Minister Ifolotradishunn. "These misconceptions are quite common in the youth of today, but if these children were to pay more attention in Sunday school they would realize just how foolish they are being. The world out there is a confusing place, so it is in our own best interests if we do not try to understand anything of any importance."
When asked to comment on the world's hunger crisis and resource management problems, the spokesperson issued a short prayer, after which he promptly began molesting small boys.