NATO HQ - (Risible Mess): The Pope is a worse dictator than Zimbabwe's demented Bob Mugabe according to a NATO assessment published today.
The Vatican's KGB military dictatorship of the Pontifical Council is the root of all serious organised crime masquerading as religious faith.
And the CIA and MI5 have always known who murdered 'God's Banker' Roberto Calvi but chose to pretend otherwise in order to ensnare rabid mass murderers like Bush and Blair.
"It's Labour's Lord Cashpoint, of course," a UK Serious & Disorganised Crime Agency source said today, "the clue's always been in the wording."
The 500 page report also names all George W Bush's creditors who demanded money after finding out he'd been hand-picked by the relatives of Hitler's Pope Pius XII to shoot President John F Kennedy in 1963.
Some banana republics are unhappy after today's announcement and are threatening to sue for the comparison to the despotic tinpot state.
"We have our standards and our pride to consider," the military junta in Myanmar said today.