The US announced today it will be invading Costa Rica based on evidence that the central American country is in possession of bananas of mass destruction.
Presidential military advisor Tisiki the squirrel monkey stood by President Bush for the first time in public at today's' press conference as the announcement was made. Democrats are outraged at the announcement and say there is no proof that there are any bananas of mass destruction, Tisiki is just homesick for the place of his birth and has persuaded Bush to go along with his plan by telling him that bananas are a good source of potassium and are easy to digest.
President Bush says that bananas of mass destruction may already be in the US. He is encouraging all citizens to report suspect bananas to the FBI. Some grocery stores in California have gone so far as to cordon off entire fruit and vegetable sections. Homeland security has called for a red banana alert in some states.
The American military says it is not prepared to invade now as conventional military equipment is of little use against bananas. The sheer number of conventional bananas in the country makes the task of finding BOMD painstaking and dangerous. Large numbers of military cooks familiar with bananas have received special training as bomb squad experts to deactivate the alleged bananas, even so it is anticipated to be slow going.
Military leaders are wary of entering into another long drawn-out war with no hope of victory. Soldiers training for the mission in simulated jungle situations have suffered serious back and head injuries due to slipping on waste banana skins. Crampons have been tried with some success however soldiers under cover have been found to snicker at remaining pratfalls exposing them to enemy fire. Training manuals have been prepared based on the work of Jonathan Swift and James Thurber to elevate the comic sensibilities of recruits and avoid unwanted laughter. Field testing has shown soldiers to fall asleep while reading the manuals and snore loudly drawing more enemy fire than sniggering. Potentially many soldiers could be lost.
Residents of Costa Rica have grown brazen with the news. Large rallies have been reported outside of the cathedral in the capital of San Jose with crowds raising bananas over their head in defiance shouting "We know we cannot win, but America will lose".
Author David Hawkins says that Bush and Tisiki are not being honest with the American people. "The invasion is really about securing a steady supply of bananas, America is addicted to low cost bananas."