Baghdad- Excitement ruled the White House today after news that weapons of mass destruction had finally been discovered in Iraq.
Saddam's mother, Subha, 77, discovered the weapons in Saddam's childhood home under the mattress in his old room. Included were two nuclear warheads, instructions for making dirty bombs, a box of Pez candy dispensers and a "Hot Boys of the Sand" adult magazine.
"I have not been in my son's room for many years," says Subha. "Saddy - which is what I call my little Saddam - always told me to stay out of his room."
Subha says her son had hung a sign on his bedroom door that read "Destruction Area! Do Not Enter!" Subha states that she always respected her son's wishes. But the constant stench from the room finally forced her to go in.
"Saddy has not been in his room since 1958," says Subha. "He's dead now, so I doubt he will do anything to get me back."
"Told ya' so!" Said President Bush in a statement to White House officials. "I told you Saddam had weapons of mass destruction! And they were under his mattress the whole time!" Then, he jumped up and down, pointed his finger at officials and sang, "Told ya' so! Told ya' so! I was right, and now you know!"
Bush stated that he would dispose of the weapons as soon as he was done using them. "Since I turned out to be right," Bush said, "then I get to be the one to get rid of them. Eventually."
Oddly, the pornographic magazine has mysteriously disappeared, along with the Pez candy and candy dispensers. Bush could not be reached for further comment since he has been spending large amounts of time in the bathroom, where only loud crunching and the crinkling of pages can be heard. "Be out in a gosh-darn minute!" said Bush. "Gee! Can't a guy have any privacy around here!"