Written by F.U. Crusher MD
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Monday, 12 May 2008

image for Elvis Alive! Found in Josef Fritzl's holiday house basement!

Saltzburg, Austria - Elvis has left the dungeon! In a search of dungeon-master Josef Fritzl's holiday house in the Austrian city of Saltzburg, police have found rock and roll king Elvis Aaron Presley, pale but apparently well.

After breaking in the basement door police were shocked to see a figure in faded flares emerge up the stairs to say "Well, thank-you very much".

It appears that Elvis is physically no worse off for his experience, but somewhat inexplicable is his lack of weight loss.

Austrian police revealed that the dungeon was well stocked with Coke, Doritos and M&Ms so that Mr Presley did not endure an unfamiliar diet.

How he came to be in the dungeon is a mystery, but when interviewed by police he is believed to have said "I was looking for a new place to dwell, when I saw an add for a basement apartment at the end of Lonelyplatz next door to Heartkrunken Hotel"

Of Herr Fritzl, Elvis remarked that "it was not the best sex I have had but I have never been a big fan of German sausage"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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