Acknowledging that she went on "one hell of a rampage," embattled pop star Amy Winehouse said yesterday that she was "primarily responsible" for the devastating damage afflicting Burma's coastal region.
"I pretty much smashed the place up," a tearful Winehouse said in an interview after being released on bail for a possibly related drug offence. Tens of thousands have been killed in what experts believe is the largest celebrity-caused disaster in history.
A grainy video obtained by The Spoof shows Winehouse apparently smoking crack just minutes before what was initially believed to be a cyclone struck the Burmese coast. The resultant damage has affected over 100,000 people, according to the United Nations. A U.N. spokesperson today confirmed that, despite the initial reports, the wreckage "instead has all the hallmarks of cocaine-induced rage."
"Except for her penchant for slapping men about the head and shoulders, Amy's usually pretty fun when she's high," said one shocked acquaintance. "She's the last person I would have thought capable of visiting devastation upon an impoverished third world country."
The motive for Winehouse's topography-changing outburst remain unclear. "She seems to have got it into her head that an ex-boyfriend with whom she'd had a particularly difficult relationship was now living in Burma," said a U.N. official investigating the incident. "It turns out the bloke lives in Burnley, and that this whole matter appears to be the result of a tragic mix-up."
Through a publicist Winehouse denied the allegations, insisting that she was "showing her outrage over the oppression of Tibet," and simply confused China with Burma. "It could have happened to anyone," the publicist stated.
The U.N. investigator said Winehouse might face charges before the International Court at the Hague. "After all, this makes Milosevic look like a country parson," the investigator noted. However, one of Winehouse's squadron of attorneys said the singer "was already in intensive negotiations" with the UN to avoid such a fate, and believed that Winehouse could escape trial by performing "as yet undetermined acts of community service."