Written by Jesus Budda
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Topics: Sex

Monday, 5 May 2008

image for Man chews off his own Penis rather than have Sex with his Best Friends Sister's Cousin
A dramatic recreation of the event as seen on Chinese State TV

Chinese man Lu Zer took drastic steps to avoid having to indulge in sexual adventures with his best friends sister's cousin after a surprise double date went horribly wrong.

He bit off his own penis and testicles rather than have 'sexual experiences' with the girl.

Lu, 27, agreed to meet his buddy Jin Jer for a boot of late night drinking down at the old deserted railway yard in Wing Wang Province in Eastern Manchuria.

Little did he know that their midnight rendezvous would involve a surprise double date - one which would cause grief and mayhem on a medieval scale.

"Mr. Lu arrived and was met by his friend and two other ladies", said Chief Inspector Tic Tak, "it was dark and all Lu could see of his 'date' was her tits. They were big. He was aroused".

The couples separated and disappeared for some naughty time fumbling's in the dark - but they hadn't expected the unexpected arrival of Mr's. Chin Wag the local old bitch and her torch.

"The old spinster hated the joy and happiness of young folk and tried to break up their illicit nooky", added the cop.

She inadvertently revealed the face of Lu's lady conquest. And it wasn't pretty.

Those weren't her tits. It was flab from her sagging double chins.

Indeed so hideously obese and horrid was the girl that Lu - pissed from cheap home brewed apple cider - began gnawing away at his penis.

"I felt dirty and my penis was disrespected and befouled", moaned Lu from a hospital bed today, "my cock had to go. My honor was at stake".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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