Robert Mugabe has engaged the services of drug addled athlete Dwain Chambers to compete in the forthcoming election run-off.
The Zimbabwe constitution also dictates that Mugabe can select the runner for the opposition and he has decided upon Stephen Hawking.
Mr Mugabe said 'Zanu PF will defeat the opposition fairly in this contest. It is a shame that Mr Hawking will not be able to use any mechanical aids however we look forward to seeing him writhe about on the starting line while Mr Chambers shoots steroids at the finish line.'
Boris Johnson commented 'Zimbabwe? Aren't they all cannibals out there?'