Written by Dan Bristol
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Topics: gold, Peru

Sunday, 9 May 2004

image for Gorbachev criticizes U.S. policies; is ignored
Mikhail Gorbachev and Alejandro Toledo

LIMA, Peru - Former Soviet Premier Mikhail Gorbachev met with Peru's President Alejandro Toledo to discuss various economic issues. The conference, which involved several of the world's leading gold producers, focused on international trade barriers.

At the height of the conference, Gorbachev criticized U.S. trade and economic policies, saying that western nations misinterpreted the end of the Cold War as a victory for capitalism. However, upon hearing his remarks, several members of the conference shifted uncomfortably, turned the conversation to sports, and pretty much ignored the former Soviet Premier.

"We just didn't know what to say to that," said one economist attending the conference. "It was a pretty awkward moment. Everybody was contributing these deep and insightful comments to the discussion, and Gorbachev comes out with this blatantly obvious no-brainer. What else could we do?"

Gorbachev also commented on subjects such as NAFTA, globalization of economic policies, and the Kyoto Protocal of 1997. However, by that point nobody was listening to him. The former head of the Soviet Union sat by himself at the closing banquet talking to "Skippy," who, sources have confirmed as being Mr. Gorbachev's imaginary friend.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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