The inhabitants of the island of Paedo (referred to as Paedophiles), off the coast of Austria, are livid regarding the recent publicity surrounding the Greek island of Lesbos.
Since the advent of the internet, digital cameras and the huge amount of compensation paid by the Roman Catholic Church in America to victims of their priests, islanders have been trying to persuade the Austrian government to change its name.
Island Administrator, Adolf Kinderliebe takes up the story.
"Our primary concern has always been the fact we are called Paedophiles. Ok, the odd pensioner might occasionally offer his week's pension for the closer inspection of a teenage schoolgirl in her gym skirt, and yes, a postmistress here or a librarian there may sometimes deflower the occasional schoolboy, but we don't feel this justifies the entire population being classed as Paedophiles.
"It is also seriously affecting tourism and international business, and threatening the livelihood of our residents. We are the largest manufacturers of chocolate fireguards and glass hammers in the world, and really can't afford any more negative publicity. It took us over 40 years to recover from the fact that Hitler was born in Austria and that Belgium is the most boring country in the world.
"What particularly brasses us off is that on the Austrian mainland we see stories of daughters being locked in cellars to bear children for their fathers. Now how sick is that?
"We really feel that we are being unfairly discriminated against, and call on perverts everywhere to claim back the Paedophile name and give us one that is more tourist-friendly and business-orientated."