A Greek court has been asked to draw the line between numerous annoying gay women on television and the natives of the Aegean Sea island of Lesbos.
Three islanders from Lesbos - home of the ancient poet Sappho, who praised love between women - have taken the gay women of the world to court for using the word 'lesbian' to describe carpet-munchers.
One of the plaintiffs said that the demeanor of most lesbians aside from Ellen DeGenderes and Tom Cruise "insults the identity" of the people of Lesbos, who are also known as Lesbians.
"My sister can't tell anyone she is a Lesbian," said Dimitris Dyketyke. "Our geographical designation has been usurped by certain muff-diving ladies who have no connection whatsoever with Lesbos," he said.
The three plaintiffs are seeking to have the international dyke community barred from using "lesbian" and have filed a lawsuit.
"I don't see how the word can be theirs," plaintiff Ima Crocksuker complained. "We don't think you can doubt dictionaries ... and even United Nations bozos refer to us girls here on Lesbos as Lesbians."
Also called Mytilene, after its capital, Lesbos is famed as the birthplace of Sappho. The island, particularly the lyric poet's reputed home town of Eressos, is a favored holiday destination for fans of The L Word.
Lesbian Justina Bigguns said the word lesbian has only been linked with gay women in the past few decades. "But we have been Lesbians for thousands of years," said Bigguns, who publishes a small magazine on ancient Greek depictions of the nude male form.
A spokeswoman for the Bulldaggers of Greece Association said the suit was "a joke in bad taste that wasn't even funny."
The lesbian sense of humour is still being sought by scientists.
Mary Boadicea, spokesdyke for lesbians of the world, said local resentment could easily be quashed by having them engage in barroom linguistics debates with a drunken Rosie O'Donnell.
Very little is known of Sappho's life and Crocksuker insists Sappho was not gay. "But even if she was, how many of the 250,000 mustachioed Greek women of Lesbian descent can be mistaken for homosexual, really?"
Local colour suggests Ms Crocksuker would not want that question answered.
Tragic Rabbit, Ye Olde Dyke Tymes, Parthenon