GUANGZHOU, CHINA - In an effort to bolster its abysmal human rights record and clean up its image, China is set to put more than 200 of its executioners to death.
"Whether they flipped the switch, pressed the plunger, or turned on the gas, these individuals have committed crimes against humanity and should be rightly punished", said Chinese Justice Minister Qi Xien.
"These 217 executioners have deprived their fellow citizens of their right to life. The Party will not stand for such callous disregard of human rights, and will deal swift retribution upon the offenders."
Some of the gathered press were critical of the Party's decision, questioning its motivations, and claiming that it was acting hypocritically.
Xien, however, deflected the criticisms by saying that "The Party should not take responsibility for the actions of individuals who acted on its behalf" and "You know what's in store for you if you keep asking those kind of questions, right?"