Sydney, Australia - (Lurid Ass mess): One of Australia's top politicians said today he was in bits after getting caught sniffing a colleague's seat.
Western Australia Liberal Party leader Troy Bustwell said he had suddenly got a craving for a great big lungful after years of apparent abstinence.
"I'd been diagnosed back in 1980," Bustwell told reporters today, "and was a regular at my local Crotchsniffers Anonymous fellowship.
"I really thought I'd managed to keep a grip by very occasionally resorting to nasally-administered anti-histamine powders.
"Then blow me down if this gorgeous redhead suddenly comes along and says she hasn't had a shower in days because of the water shortage crisis.
"Strewth, I thought, my eyes and mouth are watering and I'm a gonner.
"Whatever happened next is a kinda blur."
Bustwell says he refuses to resign and that the voters of Western Australia need a man of him caliber to provide a sense of proportion in pubic life today.
Kylie Minogue is 69.