Written by victor nicholas
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Topics: George W. Bush

Sunday, 27 April 2008

image for Bush Admits Squirrel Monkey Acted On His Behalf

Lame duck president George Bush admits that Costa Rican squirrel monkey Tisiki has been acting as his double for years.

Often skewered by the press for frequent gaffes Bush is relishing his chance to have the last laugh at the press and the public now that his term is nearly done.

Bush announced today that while he owes a great debt to Vice President Cheney and Condoleezza Rice he could not have made it through his tenure without Tisika the squirrel monkey who has filled in on numerous occasions during Bush's presidency including all G-8 summits.

Bush notes Tisika was a particular favorite of Tony Blair. While Tisika did not have a particularly large vocabulary, limited to tika tika tika and haaak haaak, he was quite photogenic and bore a striking resemblance to Mr. Bush who preferred to remain in Texas at his ranch splitting wood or playing golf to attending international events with people who did not speak English. President Bush noted that Mr. Blair particularly enjoyed the attention he received in comparison to his American stand-in and appearing eloquent in comparison to the Tisiki. Truth be known Mr. Blair was relatively inarticulate and paid little attention to personal hygiene but by monkey standards he came to be known as well groomed and a great statesman.

While not very articulate Tisiki was well regarded by US generals for his ability to direct them regarding military strategy. Tisiki would be known to either eat his own excrement or throw it at a map of the world if placed in front of him. Any excrement landing on a country would be used as a signal to designate a country as anti-American and un-democratic resulting in mobilizing American military forces for an immediate invasion.

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