Robert Mugabe, the charismatic, statesmanlike and incredibly mad leader of Zimbabwe has spoken out against people speaking out against him regarding the alleged delay in posting the election results held in the country quite a while ago now.
At a press conference this morning, to which no press were invited, he stressed the democratic manner with with the elections had been run.
"What has happened here is that the results of the general election were actually announced the day following the ballot, but everyone in the world, except South Africa, was so busy making such a noise about how undemocratic they were, they actually missed the fact that my unanimous win had been announced!
"So frankly, I'm at a loss as to what all the fuss is about, because the world and my country knows that I won a landslide victory weeks ago.
"I appreciate that the opposition have indeed polled more votes than me, but in a democracy, this doesn't mean that they have won. Oh No.
"Until the final beatings, intimidations and murders are counted, Zimbabwe can rest in peace, as can the members of the opposition, that a new force in Africa is about to rise, headed by me, in my 24-bedroom mansion.
"For goodness sake - Zimbabwe is so great - it has the highest inflation, the highest rate of unemployment and the highest rate of poverty in Africa. To have these three highest things must rank Zimbabwe as truly great, and a reflection on my fabulous leadership over the years."