Impressed with his childlike mind, Randome House has been overwhelmed with President Bush's planned offerings for third grade through high-school freshmen level, 'Mr. Bush Teaches' series, as previously reported.
Randome House now wants a 'Daily Living' series of short books (25 pages max) to be read by children when they arise in the morning. These would be for 4-8 year olds. Said, Randome House CEO, Dr. Fookhus I. Ignorambrandt, "We know that with Mr. Bush's ability to focus on the small and mundane, that this series will help raise a group of docile adults. Imagine, a lower crime rate emanating from a bunch of brats too young to even think of the opposite sex! That's usually my standard!"
Mr. Bush was elated upon receiving the offer, adding $5 million to his already-clinched $20 million book deal.
"I know I can teach the many youths of my country to awake and to read, especially how to behave until bedtime and that if they follow my believes, they will never go to Hell. I doubt that any U.S. President has done this for American squirts and it is an honor, almost as well, as being able to serve this country as an ace jet pilot.
"Remember, I landed that Navy S-3B Viking onto Abraham Lincoln. Sure woke him up!
"I have almost instantly developed concepts for the little runts. They can pee and shit and get cleaned up, dress for school, camping, whatever, and be assured they will never go to Hell."
We have through intense investigatory work determined book titles chosen by Mr. Bush to stimulate the little brats in the morning:
Washing Removes Filth And Scum
Brush Your Teeth And Send Germs To Satan
Mommies And Daddies Sometimes Make Noise Without Fighting
Breakfast Will Make Your Brain Grow Big And Other Parts
Never Streak Your Underpants With Brown Stuff
Yes, Say Number 1 or Number 2, Or Both
Mom and Dad Know About Caca, Poo poo, Doodoo, and Doodie
Give Your Teacher A Pear When School Is Almost Over
Teachers Are Real People, Too
Watch Out For Lady Teachers With Warm, Red Ears
Always Hide When You Make Gas (Don't Get Caught!)
Yell Loud When Bad People Come Near You
Always Say Republican When You Awake
Play Doctor. It's Mr. Bush's Favorite Game
It's OK If Daddy Is On Top of Mommy
It's OK If Mommy Is On Top Of Daddy
It's OK If Uncle Sleeps With Mommy And Daddy
It's OK If Aunty Sleeps With Mommy And Daddy
Pick Your Nose Only When Nobody Can See You
Sometimes Mommies And Daddies Need A Person Called A Lawyer
Drugs Are A No No, Except For Mommies And Daddies
We thank the people at Archives-Archives-Archives for their unusual help in the above.
(reported by Mikhail Svent Dataway)