Written by Chuck Barber
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Topics: al-Qaeda, Syria

Friday, 7 May 2004

(Damascus, Syria) In an apparent attempt to embarrass American President George Bush, the Ruling Council of al Qaeda has appointed President Bush "Sultan of Terror," an honorary, adjunct position on the Ruling Council.

Wearing a mask and speaking from behind a curtain al Qaeda spokesman Makbar al-Shaheed acknowledged that the position is: "basically an honorary position. We do not expect to consult with him. We basically wanted to honor him for all he has done for terror in the Middle East."

When confronted with the numbers, terror experts in London, New York and Cairo all agreed that far more innocent civilians died in the American led attack on Iraq than in the 9-11 attack on New York City and Washington D.C.

"Goodness, it's not even close," noted Chad Lington, former FBI agent. "Even with smart bombs, and guided missiles, well over 80,000 civilians were killed, seriously wounded or displaced when their homes were destroyed. When you throw in those discomforted because all essential services have been disrupted the number climbs into the hundreds of thousands."

Former British Ambassador to Egypt David Wite-Chancey agreed with Lington's assessment. "The average Iraqi is pleased Saddam Hussein is gone, but he knows someone who has been killed, wounded or displaced. This has affected everyone in the country. If they have not been hurt, a friend or family member has. If that's not wide-spread terror what is?"

Atbara Marwa former head of Egyptian Anti-Terror Police was slightly less condemnatory stating, "Sometimes the eggs must be broken if the omelette is to be made. If we want the omelette of peace, the eggs of terror must be cracked open. However, we must keep in mind, that the mother chicken who gives up her eggs does not do so willingly, and stopping terror with greater terror is merely stirring up the chicken house."

White House spokesman, Gerry Plonk smiled when asked about the dubious honor. "I believe the official response to terrorist machinations will continue to be .45 caliber."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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