Vatican - (Embalming Mess): In what has been described as a god awful embarrassment for the Vatican the exhumed body of stick martyr Padre Pio has suddenly sprouted breasts.
The mystic monk made a bit of a living for himself by regularly gouging his palms with a Cistercian abbot's penknife.
Pope JP2 Lodge beatified him in 2002 after a massive Opus Dei gamble claimed the grateful corpse would would create an astonishing miracle in 2008.
"But they didn't expect this sort of carry-on," a Papal Miracles Orifice source said today.
Pio's body was exhumed under last Sunday's fool moon in a variation of the traditional bell, book and candle ceremony used for centuries to out Methodists.
It was then to be prepared for public display in San Giovanni Rotondo's Santa Maria Delle Grazie Church.
Pontifical authorities are now reconsidering their position after being warned by the College of Cardinals that many totally legit, bona fide miracle-hungry tourists "will think somebody's taking the piss" if Pio and his 44DD-cup stonkers go on display as planned.