Following a gesture made by Sir Bob Geldolf as his reaction to Alistair Darling's excuse for a budget - his perfunctory two fingers - the legendary fund raiser and former front-man of the Roomtown Bats has consequently devised a special, one-off global music event to help raise funds for redundant city suits at Northern Rock and Bear Stearns banks.
Mime Aid 2008, to be held next month in the car park of the Emirates Stadium in London and will feature some of the best in British pop music - acts such as Sugarbabes, Girls Aloud, Spice Girls - all of whom will be giving up valuable time they could otherwise use for either shopping or sleeping with leery record producers to mime to some of their best known songs. Not only that, Girls Aloud will be miming the world premier of their first instrumental-only hit, written specially for them on a two-stringed banjo by an Algerian goat herder named Abdul.
The concert will also provide a great opportunity for these stars to reinvigorate careers that have stalled due to a complete lack of talent.
The concert will be beamed around the globe and to parts of East Sussex.
Said Sir Bob:
"Frankly, I was f*cking devastated to hear that some of the high flying suits in the f*cking city might have to forgo their huge seven-figure bonuses as a result of the financial crisis that has hit banks both here and in the USA.
"It is f*cking devastating.
"I have heard reports that some of these banking victims have been reduced to eating at off-peak times in Pizza Hut and buying special offer cases of lager from Morrisons, not to mention now having to shop for their suits in Burtons. The knock-on effects for Pierre Marco White's restaurants, Bollinger Champagne and sales in Harvey Nicks just don't bear thinking about.
"It's a f*cking disgrace. It's like arriving at the Open University to find it's f*cking closed!"
Both Will Young and Leona Lewis have very kindly agreed not to appear.