Written by PP Rega
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Tuesday, 22 April 2008

image for Crazed Rabbi Circumcizes David
Under heavy guard

Tourists looked on in horror as a mad-crazed Rabbi performed a bris - a circumcision upon Michelangelo's masterpiece, David, yesterday in Florence, Italy.

During the peak morning hours at the Galleria dell'Accademia as tourists were queued for hours to view the Renaissance masterpiece, Meir Halevi, a 66-year-old Rabbi of the ultra-Orthodox sect, Neturei Karta, jumped the queue and attacked the Carrara marble icon with hammer and chisel.

Before anyone could apprehend the rabbi, he had succeeded in chiseling off most of the foreskin. Unfortunately, in the melee, David's left testicle had also been broken off. The Carabinieri were carting the rabbi off when he yelled out, "Justice has been served. David was Jewish after all." He is currently in the local jail awaiting charges.

The Accademia has been closed until further notice. Meanwhile, a team of art historians, restorers, and urologists have been appraising the extensive damage done to David. One artisan who has been hired to supervise the restoration stated that David's glans now exposed to the world "actually is one of the most sublime examples of Renaissance manliness that has ever been created."

There have been no clues as to the whereabouts of the wayward testicle. Speculation is that it is now in the hands of some American tourist.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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