MOOSE JAW, SK-In a turn of events deemed inevitable by many outside observers, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, also known as the Pastafarians, has split over numerous items of contention concerning its doctrine of a beer volcano in heaven.
The Reformation Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has been founded by progressives within the faith who find it difficult to believe that a single beer volcano can satisfy the tastes of a world with 20,000 brands of beer in 180 different styles.
"It's beyond comprehension that His Noodly Goodness would create a world with so many different tastes in beer and then expect everyone to drink from the same volcano in heaven," said Rev. Garrett Marshall, the founder of the new branch of Pastafarianism, which is headquartered in this Canadian prairie town of 32,000.
"There is a separate volcano for every type of brew. In fact, every guy probably has his own volcano, as unique as individual tastes in beer are known to be."
Conservatives within the faith believe that one beer volcano produces a single divine brew that tastes like any beer the drinker wishes.
"That's what our Gospel says, and that's the way it is," declared Rev. Glen Mueller, a spokesman for the Evangelical Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the faith's traditionalist branch.
"We also have a stripper factory waiting for us up there, and I doubt if any two guys imagine the same clone popping out of it over and over. One stripper factory, many babes. One beer volcano, many beers," Mueller added.