A new anti-clot drug could spare thousands of young females all over the world from embarrassing and potentially terrifying experiences.
Wider use of the breakthrough drug which claims to repel clots in a variety of situations such as clubs, bars, restaurants and Spoof Forums will benefit womankind over the next few years.
The manufacturer today claimed, "Anywhere a clot is likely to approach you, he will be physically repelled if you have taken this drug."
However, the company also warned that if a group of women are all taking the anti-clot drug and one isn't they could become a "clot-magnet", leaving them open to grotesque chat up lines such as , "Get your coat, you've pulled" and the classic gut-shudderer, "If I said you had a sexy body would you hold it against me?"
Mens groups are already forming to employ resting writers to compose more intelligent chat-up lines such as "That's a nice dress, it would look great crumpled up on my bedroom carpet" in order to combat the drug and to coach single male clots in the art of ant-clot drug avoidance.
Newly-single buck-toothed, fat-bellied male clot Buck Wheatbutt, said today." I can't believe my bad luck, I just spent my life savings on Rohypnol."