Eldorado, Texas - (Lurid Mess): The polygamist ranch probe shits come from the Vatican according to latest reports.
The raid was instigated after Feds found papal aide Msgr Georg Gangswine (sic) has fathered over one thousand brats who were dumped on the Yearn For Zion Colditz-style camp to breed with locals.
Most of the resulting hybrids are technically brain-dead.
The girls became the spiritual wives of middle aged morons who paid up to $100,000 per teenage bride.
The boys were castrated and sent to work as altar boys in neighboring polygamist states.
Ten per cent of all matrimonial takings were then sent to George W Bush's Crawford Predator Chapel Ranch as hush money.
The remainder was invested 50/50 in the Halliburton Corp and the Church of Scientology.
Dick Cheney is raving mad.