Written by NickFun
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Pope, Oral Sex

Wednesday, 16 April 2008

image for Pope Benedict XVI to allow cunnilingus
The Pope waves to a group of very happy married women

In a stunning reversal to previous papal policies, Pope Benedict XVI announced before a crowd of US onlookers outside St. Dominic Church in Washington that women will now be allowed to receive cunnilingus. Women in the crowd cheered the Pope's declaration.

"I have heard that many women cannot achieve the sacred sensation of orgasm without oral stimulation", the Pope declared before a standing-room-only crowd. "Therefore, I encourage men to administer cunnilingus to their faithful wives".

The Pope later clarified that the policy was strictly limited to married women of child-bearing years. The 'no cunnilingus' policy still applies to older women, single women and lesbians thus causing outrage among women in these categories.

Some of the men in the audience objected to the Pope's new policy. "I gave up going down after we got married. It stinks down there", said Catholic securities analyst Anthony Muncher.

Some other members of the audience suggested that this was simply the Pope attempting to encourage attendance of Sunday mass and to increase collections from the collection plate. Papal representatives staunchly defended the Pope's decision.

"It is not for money or gain. The decision was made solely for the good of humanity", said a Papal representative.

The representative said there there was nothing in the Bible which strictly forbids cunnilingus. However, there are vague references which forbid fellatio.

"There are rules against the wanton spilling of one's seed", the spokesperson continued. "Fellatio would cause men to spill seed, therefore, it is forbidden".

The Pope refused to address questions about anal sex or other sexual positions.

Make NickFun's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 plus 2?

9 2 3 25
75 readers are online right now!

Go to top