During his historic visit to New York City over the weekend, Pope Benedict XVI added to the Vatican's official list of sinners to a huge crowd at Madison Square Garden.
"We are adding groups to the list this time and not individuals," said XVI "we are expanding and are now more aggressive."
Vegans, face-painting sports fans and Tom Cruise were at the top of those added.
"We had to make an exception to the rule of adding only groups for Mr. Cruise," said XVI "he's a freakin' freak. And we suspect he may in fact be an alien, which is not officially a sin but can easily become one.
"Yeah, and we have a problem with vegans also, they have this cultish feel about them that I can't get out of my mind," continued XVI "they're always preaching to others. Man I hate vegans! Vegans give vegans a bad name!"
XVI was a little hesitant to speak about sports fans in a sports loving city like New York.
"Well, we kinda just threw that one in to make the list a little more well-rounded," continued XVI "they're not such a bad group."
After realizing that some people in the audience had faces painted in his likeness added, "Well, out of all the sinners, you guys are the least horrific and least deserving of eternity spent with fire and brimstone." He said to a rejuvenated audience that was at this point on its feet, some holding signs reading "Popes Kick Ass" and one reading "We hate Tom Cruise Too."