Written by Natowsky
Print this

Monday, 14 April 2008

image for Hillary and Obama's War of Words Continues as Pennsylvania's Primary Draws Closer
"Obama's characterization of Americans as bitter and consumed with religion and guns is an insult!"

With Pennsylvania's Primary coming up very quickly, the war of words between Hillary and Obama remains unabated. Hillary now accuses the Halfrican of being elitist and divisive, because of his comments of small town America's bitterness and dependence on religion and guns.

Just recently, such remarks the Illinois senator made at a California closed-door meeting drew strong rebuke from Ms. Clinton. Last Sunday, Obama had said that some small-town Pennsylvanians are "bitter" people, who "cling to guns and religion." On Saturday, he further explained those comments.

Obama's remarks about Americans' being bitter caused Hillary to go ballistic with, even, a Freudian slip of, "Screw that Monica!" Campaign advisors reminded her later she had meant Obama, not Monica.

Quickly on the defensive, Obama said, "He should have said it differently, as in Swahili, the major non-English tongue in Kenya and he would have said it with gusto, as well!"

All this failed to satisfy Hillary, campaigning Sunday in her father's Pennsylvania hometown. With a deficit in delegates re Obama, Clinton is campaigning, as hard as Ted Bundy did to avoid the chair.

Citing many confidential sources, Hillary offered a litany of examples trying to prove her opponent's exaltation of "being at the top of the social strata." Hillary rattled off Obama's statements of the past 3 weeks in which he is attempting to prove he's a rich man's Republican big head. Said John McCain, "What shit! I hope she wasn't rakin' over my ass with that slam!"

Here's Hillary's list of the Halfrican comments, only first published in all its aspects today for the first time by "Americans for Americans and Totally American Through and Through Who Want No Bull (AATATTWWNB)"

Obama's faux pas per AATATTWWNB:

    "Yes, I forgot honorary Ph.D.s in various fields in the past 2 weeks, from Yale, Cornell, Harvard, Stanford, and the University of Pennsylvania."

    "Yes, I keep my hair short to be Marinelike...you know, "'The Few, The Proud, The Army.'"

    "Yes, I was bestowed the title Esquire a week ago and I paid the fee. I like Esq. after my name. It's a whitey thing! Laughing my whitey ass off!"

    "Yes, I love Africa and did call Kenya, 'Little America,' but only once at an LA Bar-B-Q in Watts!"

    "Yes, if the spics can label cereal boxes totally in Spanish, what's wrong with Swahili?"

    "Yes, my relatives were Mau Mau during the expulsion of the Limey slavemasters, but it was also a warning to the Chinks amd the Mao Maos!"

    "Yes, my mom is white. Black guys gravitate to whitey poontang. That's what Bainsworth Stockton Thornton, III, my PR man told me. By the way, he's full WASP American!"

    "Yes, I drool over Britney, but, my wife, Michelle, says it's OK to get horny over whitey every so often."

    "Yes, I joined The Benedict Arnold Group (Arnold was an American Revolutionary Waw traitor) only in honor of Pope Benedict's current U.S. visit. I did not know the colonist shmuck was a turncoat until this morning."

    "Yes, I said I was 60% white and 40% black. Heck, my mom spent 7 of 10 days with my dad during the steamy-sex period before marriage, so I weigh my heritage on the white side. Is that so bad? And, yes, I am fluent in Ebonics. Hey why worry talkin' 'bout honky! I need a lot of whitey's votes!"

    "Yes, so I had an honorary Bar-Mitvah at Mayor Bloomberg's Beth-Isreal synagogue a week ago, Saurday. The food was great, especially their lox and bagels with Philly cream cheese. Listen to my Hebrew: "Barich adonanai..."

And, what of Hillary now? She is still livid. She's cursing a storm up and down Pennsylvania over all this "empty Obama rhetoric" and "desperate, last-minute politicking!"

Said John McCain, the shoo-in Republican candidate for President, "Dammit, I'm just glad the Halfrican didn't accuse "Tiger Cage" Johnny of being an elitist. And, I'm a plain, not very rich guy. I'm only worth $40 million. I know these Dems will kill their chances by infighting, so I'm laying low and learning Vietnamese.

"Damn, why didn't I speak it when they were spinning my cage, as on 'Wheel of Fortune,' while burning all my toes with diesel fuel? Those Asians sure know how to piss off a Navy pilot! And, I only 'lost' 5 aircraft in my career! Well, I bet the cost to U.S. taxpayers was just some chump change, anyway!"

Copyright Military Schmilitary 2008

Make Natowsky's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 4 multiplied by 1?

2 3 25 4
41 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more