Pillsbury Utah- A team of renowned Paleontological Proctologists from Pillsbury were conducting routine rectal drilling in a petrified wooly mammoth's orifice when their drill struck the fully preserved skeletal structure of what appeared to be a giant whale.
After a battery of tests, a confirmation was reached giving credence to warrior sperm's existence.
Dr. Papsmere Stromboli 76, a self proclaimed culinary contortionist and the team leader responsible for numerous excavations has been accredited with this lucrative evolutionary find.
"It's very exciting" Stromboli said. "Our eyes juxtapose objects based on size, now if I were to masturbate right now and climax into this plastic bag it would be a mess and my sperm would only be visible under an electron microscope. Now imagine seeing sperm the size blue whales swimming freely within an ancient oceanic vagina capable of taking down a building in a single bound or impregnating the sun…seeing is truly believing, does anyone have a condom?"