Written by Jesus Budda

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Monday, 14 April 2008

image for Woman Dumps Boyfriend, Citing That He has No Money, No Future and Is Crap In Bed
Tomaz admits his life is going nowhere but proclaims he's a 'sexual Tyrannosaurus'

A Croatian woman has dumped her long-term boyfriend after alleging that they are extremely incompatible and that their relationship was going "nowhere".

Nadia Bitch, 29, said her boyfriend Tomaz was a "lazy, fool" who spent his days lying on the couch, reading comics and the Croatian version of Rikki Lake.

Tomaz, in his defense, says he often thinks of "the Universe" and "creation" while munching on candy bars, but Nadia's friends say that she doesn't 'buy it'.

"We dated for 4 years", said Nadia today from her friends home, "at the beginning I thought he was a nice guy. He said he had dreams and ambitions. He wanted to go far. But now I know it was just something he said to get me into bed. It went rapidly downhill after our first undercover rummage".

Tomaz admits he "'exaggerated' his aspirations a little, but is upset at Nadia's claims that he was crap in bed.

"Being a failure, having no money and no future I can take - but being a bad lay is something I won't stand for".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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