Today the European Union has advertised new job vacancies for a new European Body that is starting in Brussells. They need to organise this body was very urgent and although the new member countries have joined the EU on the 1st May 2004 none of the vacancies are suitable for citizens of these counties.
The main role of this body is to translate all news coming from Cyprus and especially comments made by the President, his spokesman, the leader of the House of Commons, the Cabinet Ministers and friends and family of all the above that have jobs given to them in return for their love and devotion to their political parties.
The vacancies are around 1000, but the qualifications required are pretty hard. Applicants must have
1) Excellent knowledge of the Greek Language and all its dialects spoken in Cyprus.
2) Must be experts in Greek Cypriot idioms and Greek innuendos.
3) They must have full knowledge and understanding of the word NO and its colourful and numerous Greek interpretations.
4) They must understand that most of the politicians are deaf and blind and they have very little geographical skills.
5) They must always remember that the Greeks are unaware of the North and South Dividing line because they cannot see barbed wires or green lines.
6) They must be very efficient in adding the Greek word PSEUDO in front of any references to Turkish Cypriots i.e. PSEUDO Turkish Cypriots.
7) They must be able to remain calm when they follow Cypriot politicians around airports because they behave like Schizophrenics. In overseas airports (Brussels, New York, Athens etc) they say one thing and at Larnaca Airport they say the opposite.
8) They must never mention words like Freedom, Democracy, Human Rights etc because the Greeks have allergic reactions when they hear these words.
9) They must be able to praise the leadership for his intellectual ability, physical appearance, and international status (gained over night) as well as his past political and professional history.
10) They must be aware of the symptoms of Compulsive Lying and Split Personality.
11) They must be very quick in reporting back to Europe on their observations.
12) They must resist bribes and threats from the political arena.
Finally the easy part of the job will be that the reports send back to Brussels will always be the same but the recipients will be different. The report will be about a serious accusation by the government regarding something that Prodi, Patten, Cox, Verheugen, Fiori has not said.
So all the applicants have to do is send the Greek story to the EU officials mentioned in the story, asking them to make a prompt correction. This job will be very rewarding because eventually the Greek Cypriots will one day be able to tell the truth from lies. This will be the first European step for the Greek Cypriots.