Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 8 April 2008

image for Princess Diana Inquest Latest: Sir Elton John To Write Another New Song
Sir Elton and a Fag Hag yesterday

Sir Elton John, the Official Songwriting Genius to Her Majesty the Queen, has today announced that he is to write another new song to commemorate the end of the Princess Diana Murder Inquest, which finished yesterday - well, kind of.

Princess Diana and her lover Dodi Al-Fayed were, said the inquiry, Unlawfully Killed, as opposed to being Lawfully Killed. This was an important legal point, I assume.

Sir Elton, who has been out of the news for a while, was sitting in the court when the verdict was announced, and let out a huge cry of relief. At least, that's what it sounded like.

The bisexual singer has campaigned tirelessly on behalf of the accused Royal parties, and vowed, on the spot, to come up with another tuneful ditty, which is expected to be a summertime no.1 chart hit. His last effort, Goodbye England's Rose sold more than 10 million copies, but these are now mainly used as coasters in living rooms the length and breadth of Great Britain.

Pokesman for Mr John, Jason Brownhat, 16, said:

"Daddy says he's going to pull out all the stops to pen a really good song for the Princess this time."

And another one of the star's entourage of pokesmen, strapping lad Ben Downe, told reporters outside the court:

"He's already got the first couple of verses recorded. He really loved Diana. He says she should have married him instead of Charles."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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