In the spirit of the Olympic Mega Million games, Gordon Brown has declared that he is still going to attend the Beijing Olympics.
"It doesn't bovver me that the Chinese government oppresses its own people and Tibet and along with Walmart seeks world domination by choking the planet with environmentally hazardous substandard goods. You know that stuff has a shelf life of 10 minutes at best," he chuckles amiably.
"As soon as you open the package, which requires a blow torch, you try to use it once and it breaks. Sheer genius… Keeps them coming back for more… We tried that with Jaguars but we couldn't make enough of them to reap the big profits. Perhaps we should have tried toy ones…
"Oh well, I will cheer for England or the country of the dude slipping me some cash at the time. I am really enjoying the world's oldest profession these days. It's fun to be an international ho. I should have become Prime Minister sooner, it would have saved Tony Blair's legacy."