In a final display of how much "I love this country," President George Bush will bring a Bob Hope type production to the safe 'Green Zone' in Baghdad and to Kabul in Afghanistan at the end of this year, just 3 weeks before he leaves office.
"Bye Bye Bushy" is the name President Bush has given to his year-end "gift to our U.S. troops in both war zones." The show will be mostly modeled on comedian Bob Hope's USO stage productions of humor, song, and tantalizing female flesh, such as that on the then bones of Joey Heathertone, back in the Vietnam War period. Also, female troops get their own looks at male pulchritude in the real flesh, as well, and, for the very first time. The World has certainly changed!
Bush wants 8 consecutive shows in Baghdad all day December 31, meaning about 20,000 troops per show and 3 shows on January 1 in Kabul, Afganistan, about 10,000 troops per show. Troops will be brought in from all over Iraq and Afghanistan, in shift-like regularity, under heavy sentry patrol by Mafia people Bush has assembled from all over the U.S. A rotating 'army' of 5,000 will protect each performance.
President Bush and Dick Cheney, a rarity, as he's almost never out of the White House's 'Bunker Cheney,' will open each performance, singing along with the troops 'The Yellow Rose of Texas' followed by the 'Star Spangled Banner.' Both Pres and Veep have been taking voice lessons with Rod Stewartt and Michael Boltone, since February of this year.
Said, Rod, "They're making great vocal progress and I will even get to sing 'Do You Think I'm Sexy.' Boltone is elated that his "whiney voice will be input to the singing abilities of the two highest guys in the land." But, Boltone, himself, will not be allowed to sing, for fear that his voice may damage the speakers.
The actual 'Shtickmeister of Ceremonies' will alternate for each show with Billy Kristal and Jerry Senfield. They will also do comedy throughout.
Other entertainment is expected to be current and fantastic and will be interspered with massive doses of gorgeous flesh (female and male), so military personnel can return to their bunks after each show and perform "MMR" or Major Military Relief. Female military for the first time will see male flesh, only once imagined. "After all," said the President, "these lady troops have raging hormones, as well as our studs on the firing line and both carry those almost-10 pound M16s!" The Bush daughters, fraternal twins, Barbara and Jenna, aged 26, will demostrate the use of that megakilling automatic rifle (the M16), while wearing tight shorts and halters tops. Bush said, "Hey if my kids can save a life in the field, any life, I'm all for it!"
The entertainment lined up is top notch: The Rolling Stone, Rod Stewartt, Stevie Wonders, Ringo Start, Paul McCartnie and ex-wife Heather Mill (for stress-relieving booing, akin to military venting), Ushered, Shania Twain, Dolly Parton, Carmen Elecktra , Beyoncé, Ciarra, Cheryl Crows, Jessica Beel, Jessica Simson, Christina Agolera, Jessica Albat, Charlites Theron, Nicole Kidmah George Cloney, Brad Pitts, Russell Crowed, Richard Gear, and Kevin Kostener.
Bush asked for lots of flesh, because what "the guys and gals in the field really miss is 'soft and tender.'" So, Operations Director, Dick Cheney (dubbed The 'CardioLech') is arranging for some of the best female poontang, including, the USC and University of Texas football cheerleaders, all the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Models of 2008, plus the last 12 Playbuoy and Hustling magazine Centerfolds!!!
All female stars, cheerleaders, and models will wear thong bikinis and circulate amongst the viewing troops. For the fighting women, Pitt, Cloney, Crowwe and the other hunks will also circulate and these celebrities will wear 'merchandise-revealing' Speedoo bikini bathing suit trunks.
Cheney said that, "Only female soldiers can paper money the male celebs' bathing suits, which already brought cries of sexism from the male troops.
One last note that will blow away every male soldier. Ashley Alexandra Dupré will appear in skimpy tight shorts and revealing, thin-white tee, for a show-ending Wet T-Shirt Contest. It's expected that the stampede of male soldiers will then begin, so the Army will have positioned Medics in strategic places to help those trampled by exceptionally-excited male troops.
Reported by Koch UndBull Steinhauser for 'ARYMY TIMES'