Police are investigating a mysterious fire, which destroyed a factory in Flint, Michigan, which produces Bunsen burners for schools and laboratories.
Next-door neighbors at the Arsonists Anonymous meeting alerted the authorities.
"Nobody saw nothing, ya here", said Tits O'Mara, the local fire chief and honorary drunken gangster impersonator.
This is the third such 'mysterious' fire in the area. Earlier in the year a local matchstick factory and a candle wax statue of crusading documentarian lard-ass Michael Moore burned down.
"It was a real shame", said Chief O'Mara, "the local deaf kids carved that sucker from their own ear wax. Yep, a real crying shame."