After receiving intelligence from multiple sources, President Bush prevented a potential Albanian uprising by invading Alabama. Two people were injured after a skirmish at a Waffle House in Dotham. No other injuries were known.
"I didn't even know we had Albanians here!" Jared Crocker, a manager at a Cracker Barrel in Mobile said, "But President Bush always knows what he's doing. He's a great leader!"
Albanians usually show hostility towards each other in the days leading to the annual Alabama - Auburn game. Two gridiron teams battle it out for a little brown jug that Edith Jenkins found.
"My fellow Americans," President Bush said during a speech that interrupted "Family Guy". "Today we avoided a major uprising by Albanians by invading Alabama. Peace is now in that region. We are also keeping an eye on New Mexico, making sure New Mexicans do not enter our country illegally."