Written by Fergus McCarthy

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Topics: India, Cricket

Friday, 14 March 2008

image for India rise to 3rd place in world rankings
Pakistan drops 4 places.

It could be cricket or in neighbouring Pakistan it could be the amount of angry men with moustaches that can burn an American flag in front of one television camera, but neither is true.

Newly released figures have revealed that India has the 3rd most efficient Turban fire control record in the world only beaten by the two highest concentrations of Indian people in the world, the London borough of Southall and the queue outside the Mumbai branch of 'Turbans'R'Us for the annual stock clearance sale.

The cricket rankings may happen one day but the burning of the U.S. flag inside the Indian borders is a big no no and is strictly enforced by an army of highly trained and over zealous health and safety officers who patrol the streets day and night armed with CO2 fire extinquishers.

Mumbai Fire Chief Mohit explained earlier today a Turban health and safety exhibition.

"Turban fires are a constant danger in India and so we have to be extra vigilant, one only has to remember the great Turban fire of 1989, 128 men died that day as they were crushed and burned to death at the doors a cinema preview of the last Indiana Jones movie.

Thankfully the message is getting through, Turban related fires are down 28% on last years figures and when one factors in the particularly dry summer we have had then we would have to say that the campaign has been successful."

Indian television channels will run a series of advertisements over the coming weeks warning of the dangers of highly flammable turbans and the dangers of static electricity in crowded places with the slogan 'It only takes one Turban To Burn"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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