Written by Richie Simonson
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Thursday, 13 March 2008

image for UN Security Council passes resolution 1889 (2008) to re-instate UNMOVIC to investigate latest UK A-Bomb Tests
Somewhere in Lincolnshire

February 27th was a special day for the UK when the people of England, Wales and Northern Ireland were shaken out of their beds by what was apparently a 5.4 on the Richter scale earthquake, emanating from the Lincolnshire town of Market Rasen, near Grimsby. But not as special as March 6th when two dustbin men stumbled upon top secret government documents in the recycling sacks left outside Number 10 Downing Street for collection.

By March 8th the documents had been passed to the UN and the UN established an emergency session of the Security Council.

The documents in question detailed a two-fold plan to start underground A-Bomb testing in Lincolnshire and then use the newly irradiated underground hole to house spent nuclear waste from 30 newly proposed nuclear power stations that the Labour government have commissioned in order to comply with their own targets for reducing the UK's overall CO2 emissions by 2020.

The UN Security Council resolution declared that UNMOVIC, (UN Monitoring, Verification and Inspection Commission), would start inspections as early as April 20th.

When asked about the documents, Prime Minister Gordon Brown said that today "employment is rising not falling" which is a typically obvious statement because the damage to personal property and businesses will require extra manpower to correct the outcome of the blast. The PM went on further to say "we are well placed to deal with the fall out", though nothing in any of the Labour government's manifestos since coming to power have ever mentioned dealing with radioactive fallout, adding he was unaware of the documents and Britain would be protesting against the upcoming inspections by UNMOVIC.

When questioned about the reason for blocking the inspections the PM said that the UK government had never knowingly sanctioned further A-bomb testing and it was probably an administrative problem within the civil service that had brought this about. However he was adamant that an internal inquiry would be set up to investigate the claims with the remit to finalise the report by 2020, but until the inquiry had finished Britain would block all attempts by UNMOVIC to start its own investigation.

Scientists questioned by this reporter have stated that they were very surprised by the earthquake particularly because Lincolnshire is not on any tectonic boundary but had to concede that, due to this fact, Lincolnshire would be a great place to store the UK's future nuclear waste.

Make Richie Simonson's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 2?

6 15 25 8

Go to top