The horny and pussy-seeking Eliot Spitzer will no longer be Governor of New York State after dumping $80,000 to romp in the sack with one or more prostitutes from the exclusive underground Emperors Club. These encounters were even part of a possible, organized money-laundering scheme involving the Underworld. "Spitzer's resignation is finally here," gloated Republican Assemblyman James Tedisco. "We want no preverts running this great state! God Bless America!"
And, it's been rough on the Spitzer family. Wife Silda, named after a popular Central Park Zoo chimp, has been screeching ever since the axe fell. And, the 3 young daughters have been escourted to school with jeering kids in the background shouting embarrassing epithets, such as, "Does you daddy have a big wang?;" "Now you know that daddy doesn't just do pee pee with his wienie!," and "Does mommy still play house with daddy!?"
Silda, upset with the monkey connection, in fact, screeched monkey anger all last night, throwing spoiled bananas at husband Eliot's prized first-edition law books.
When Spitzer steps down, New York State will have its first black governor, now Lt. Governor David Paterson, 53, former State Senate Minority Leader and only the fourth black governor of a state. But, what's unique is that Paterson is fully legally blind.
Congratulations addressed to the about-to-become Governor Paterson, have been pouring in from Jesse Jackson, The Honorable Reverend Al Sharpton, Stevie Wonder, Snoop Dogg, still questionable "trans-racially motivated," Michael Jackson, Bill Cosby, Bobby Bonds and many others, in anticipation of the Paterson tansition to Governorship of the State.
Yet, concerns are ringing everywhere from Niagara Falls to New York City:
Will all New York taxes go to rebuilding Harlem?
Will chitlins become the Official State Rest Stop Food?
Will the crow become the state bird?
Will all the Governor's staff become black?
Can the new Governor appreciate Rap and dance to hip hop?
Is his soul music collection adequate?
Will he try to introduce Ebonics, where Los Angeles failed?
And, most importantly, can the blind lead the blind?
The National Blind Black Caucus (NBBC) has donated 100 blind-man canes equipped with headlight, as a kind gesture, so the Governor-To-Be can find his way around, especially to the john. Often, in his office, Paterson just peed in his pants and used a lot of Febreze!
The new Governor will throw out the first ball at the opening Yanks and Mets Games, but fear is rampart that he will miss home plate and injure a spectator. Two ambulances will be at the ready.
Bill Clinton came by the Spitzer "bunker" and offered his condolences to the Spitzer family, especially, as Bubba's BJs were all delivered by the "Yid Kid," Monica Lewinsky. And, Spitzer is also a "member-of-the-tribe" (an allusion to the 10 lost tribes of Israel).
Said Billie Boy about Spitzer, "Hey, my shlong was strictly confined to the White House! This guy got nailed by travelling for poon-tang, a definite political no-no. The rule is, in politics, 'keep the pecker at home and never, never roam.' Apparently, Eliot didn't know the rules!"