Written by Tiki Murphy
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Monday, 10 March 2008

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Tap water usage soars in elderly rersidential homes.

A recent study has shown, that there are drugs in our drinking water. America is not the only country this has happend to, it appears that almost all countries have this issue.

According to Dr. Peese out of New York University explains, "I will put this in simplistic terms. The world is full of drug addicts, drug addicts have to go to the bathroom, once they flush, you have tomorrow's water."

Although Dr. Peese, statement was in fact true, it seems that there is more to it than that. Research specialist Dr. Toulette states, "Due to the fact that 'wastewater' is indeed treated, retreated, and then reused. The drugs that are in the system of anyone who uses the bathroom, will effectively get 'flushed' into the drinking water of their area. It is one way to ensure that we recycle our water supply so that we do not use that natural resource."

Many find this news very disturbing. Especially those who use powdered milk in their and their children's cereal.

"My 5 year old came up to me this morning, after hearing his father and I discussing this. You know what he said to me while I was making him breakfast? 'Mommy, don't piss in my Cheerios,' can you believe that?" states Myrtle Beeche.

However, one mother is relieved. Allison Schmee, the mother of a teenage 'Goth Chick', told reporters, "Thank God. Here I thought that little Suzie was on drugs. Now I know that she is for sure, and I don't have to go through her room. That was a very disturbing thought. I was so worried, when my 16 year old, started wearing the black make up and 'Goth' gear. Now I know. She has a drug problem, and now we can get her the help she needs."

Suzie's response to this statement was simple, "I don't drink the water. I don't do drugs. But, dude, you've interviewed my mom. Now honestly, which one of us do you think is drinking the water. Which one do you think needs to go into rehab?"

Dr. Manny Spitz says, "I was watching the news and I saw the interview with Suzie. She brought one idea to mind. How are rehab centers going to cope? It would explain why they have not been doing to well lately. If there are the same drugs in the water, that their patients were taking, how are they going to continue treatment?"

No known rehab center has been available for comment.

The government is taking this threat fairly lightly, while the scientific world is in an uproar. There are still many studies that have to be made in order to tell how dangerous this situation really is.

Although, many major water treatment plants and bottled water companies are starting to tremble, Julia Roberts is thrilled with this new water problem. She is already reportedly in talks to get the ball rolling for Erin Brockovich Two. "This time I will be able to get in on the ground floor so to speak. Follow Erin around and really get to know the character," Ms. Roberts stated in an interview.

No word yet on what the real Erin thinks about this, but it would be right up her alley.

For now though, don't drink the water.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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