Written by Richie Simonson
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Thursday, 6 March 2008

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Don't lose your Stetson, Tone

In an amazing turn of events leaked FBI transcripts of conversations held in the Oval office between George W Bush and Tony Blair reveal the extent to which Tony Blair was willing to go to secure US backing for his eventual roles in the UN and the European Union.

Many commentators to date have identified significant flaws in the UK government's proposals for a national ID database, which aren't limited to the fact that terrorists are quite unlikely to register their DNA and other biometric data, and those commentators have been extremely surprised at New Labour's determination to push through the legislation that will more than likely mean losing power at the next general election.

But perhaps things are clearer now, more than they have ever been before. In the following extract from the Oval office transcripts the agreements made between the two politicians are clear and without a doubt hair-raising.

Bush: Yo! Bro.
Blair: Hey dude, what you diddling?
Bush: Eh?
Blair: How's it going presidential dude man?
Bush: Things are good Bony Tear.
Blair: Don't call me that, you know I don't like it.
Bush: Don't lose your Stetson, Tone, things are good; we're about to win the Iraq war again.
Blair: Again huh? That is good news. How are the plans going for securing my position in the UN, Dubya?
Bush: How is your plan to indexify and biometrificate your peasants, going, Tone?
Blair: Gordy's agreed to promote anyone into the Home Secretary role who agrees with it, even Jacqui Smith, as long as I give a definite signal as to when I'm stepping down, which is why I need to know how things are with the UN.
Bush: Don't worry about that, you just keep your side of the bargain and hand us over the database when it's done. I'll see ya right, just like the great U.S. of A. always does.
Blair: Ok, Dubya. When do you want to bend over?

So now it's clear, Blair was and probably still is willing to give and do anything as long as he ends up in a position of power or even pseudo-power.

The real question is - will the next party to come to power have the balls to stop New Labour's ID database and introduce free beer for the over 21s to make up for all the tax wasted so far on the tattoo from birth people indexing scheme?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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