Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: BBC, ITV

Friday, 17 March 2017

image for The Six O'Clock News Read By Jessica Akrill, Aged 5
Kept composure well - Akrill

Hello, everybody! And now here is today's news with me, Jessica Akrill, aged 5.

Today some misters in a country where they is a lot of sand and a lot of trouble, hurt a lot of other misters and ladies and boys and girls with a 'BOMB'. That's what my mummy said. Lots of them people are not very well, and some of them we won't be able to see them any more. That's not very nice, is it, Mummy?

Today in parly-ment Mrs Treezer May was talking to some other misters and ladies about hos-pittles. She said lots of hos-pittles will have to close because she hasn't got enough money to give them to help the poorly people get better. My mummy doesn't like her, do you, Mummy?

In other news, Mrs Perkins, who lives at number 33, had to ask somebody to help her because Tiddles got stuck up a really high tree. The milkman got him down. Mrs Perkins said:

"Tiddles, you are a naughty cat!"

But then she give him a big hug, didn't she, Mummy?

And finally, my friend Jenny who is in my class, hurt her knee when we were playing skipping at playtime. There was some blood, but not much. Mrs Ford in the medical room put a plaster on it, and then Jenny stopped crying.

I want to go to wee-wee now, Mummy.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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