German philosopher and physicist Hans Dirti has recently produced what may be the most frightening yet accurate theory on why the universe exists, and how.
"So far vee haf failed to ascertain why anyting came to exeest vithout eentroducing religion een some form." Says Herr Dirti. "I believe I haf reached zee empirical conclusion."
Herr Dirti, using a combination of philosophical who, what, where and howery and scientific jiggery pokery has concluded that the entire universe is in fact the paranoid delusion of a mentally retarded space-cockroach.
"Zere is no other reasonable explanation," claims Dirti. "Vee must accept zat once zis cockroach dies, and eetz delusion with eet, vee die."
IS this the truth behind our existence, readers? Is our universe just some space-cockroach dream? Or is Hans Dirti just a mad scientist leading us all into blind panic with his wild theories? You be the judges.