Backed by outgoing President Vladimir Putin, a once-KGB kick-ass spy, the newly-elected President of Russia has infuriated many Russkies, some still Commies. The ex law school professor and first crony to Vlad, Dmitry Medvedev, became President of Russia recently in a "Putin Push," and, of course, in a limited field of candidates. Now, Vlad takes Med's Prime Minister's role and will pull some strings, as handler of puppet Med.
Said man on the street, Sergei Litvanov Ivanovich Bichinoff, "Thees ees not good. Med was suppose to geeve right away, year of free Stolichnaya, year of Romanoff caviar, eesues of hot magazines showing nice Russian pussy ladies for sale to Yankee U.S. guys, and open leggy shots of Britneys, Lindsey Lohans, Halles Berry, and Angelinas Jolie. We get nothing. We see nothing! Is liar! Med was in TV news meeting and all he say was Nyet! Nyet! Nyet! to all. Not so accomodating!"
We deed better weeth Staleen. But younger stud guys like Med, because he 42 he relate to youngster peeples good.
Medvedev will soon get the "Doomsday Box" (after Putin's name is crossed off on the label and Dmitry is written in). Dmitry will receive his own set of keys for home practice on Mother Russia's missiles...110 IBMs and 43 MRBMs, equipped with 70 and 40 megaton warheads. Claiming he's tinkering to get the knack of the steps to start WWIII, if necessary, he's going to use these keys (with the "Safety" on)to practice the "Fatal Sequence": Start, Ready, Launch, Blast Off, and Kiss Your Ass Goodbye. He has asked to be able to keep the "Box" for 3 days, especially before delivering his "State of Russia In A Changing World" speech, internationally on TV and on the Internet. Putin told key politicos in Russia, "Is OK...Dmitry is just curious and is taking good drugs."
Medvedev has asked for props, including a shoe (for banging on a table?), a sword (for saber rattling?), some lumps of coal (for displaying Russia's energy abundance?), and, a lot of string (in case the ones from Putin to him are broken?).
Medvedev plans to meet with President Bush in the near future in Washington. Med has asked that borscht be on the menu. In private, the U.S. President asked what that is. When told it is beet soup, he said, "We used to throw beets to the pigs in Texas as their slop. Man, how do I get into this shit? It's a damned freakin' deal to be in my job!"