Christians across the world during this holy season of Lent were shocked to learn that waterboarding was among the tortures used on their Lord and savior.
The Passion Narratives in the four Gospels detail scourging, crowning with thorns and blows and spittle to the face but now the missing gospel of Dickus Chenissimus includes the simulated drowning technique so much in the news since the US CIA is said theo have employed the method to prevent future terrorist attacks.
Long rumored to be the work of a converted Roman centurion, the gospel manuscipt fragments were found in the Smithsonian archives in Washington, DC. The controversial document includes the confessions of the centurion who asks God's forgiveness for spearing a fellow soldier in the face by accident.
Conservative Christian evangelist, Rev Rush Tajugemnt, welcomed the finding: 'I have always said that if capital punishment was good enough for our sweet Jesus then it was good enough for Amurica. Now we know that waterboarding falls in the same category. It's a kind of baptism for those terrorist heathens!"