Written by Jerry McFarland
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Topics: Crime

Wednesday, 5 September 2001

image for National Night Out Didn't Work
Good night was it?

Last night during the National Night Out functions, something went terribly wrong. According to police from all over the United States, certain crimes took a huge increase.

  • DWI was up 637%
  • Assault was up 254%
  • Public Intoxication was up 196%
  • Lude Conduct was up approximately 97%
  • Public Disturbances were up a staggering 1023

The huge increases, according to police, could have been caused by the National Night Out activities. Police stated that when you get a big crowd of people, who really dont like each other from the same neighborhood hanging out and BBQing and drinking beer, tings like this happen.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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