Written by ZiaUl-Hack
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Saturday, 24 April 2004

(BRUSSELS)-- The European Union has announced that as of June 1, 2004, it will henceforth be known as "The New York City Appeasement Authority."

EU spokesperson Helene Canaille, speaking off the record, admitted that the name change was necessitated by the fact that there is "nothing under the sun uniting any two European countries", much less the entire continent. "What Charlemagne couldn't do, what Hitler couldn't do, we certainly can't do," admitted Canaille, who is undersecretary to the Belgian Guy In Charge of Setting Standards For Recycled Water From The Mannequin Pis.

Relying on the liberal provisions of New York State's infamous Public Authorities Law, EU's staff counsel have taken the necessary steps to reconstitute the EU as a Public Authority under New York State law. Other names considered but rejected were "The New York State Ignoring Genocide In Kosovo and Bosnia Authority" and "The New York City Playing Footsie With Terrorists Authority." These last two were nixed on the ground that they were "too long and unwieldy."

It was through the agency of the "public authorities" that the late Robert Moses was able to build much of New York City's infrastructure, largely free from public oversight and at all times insulated from the wrath of the electorate. Though many people (including Moses' biographer Robert Caro) criticized Moses for having manipulated the authorities to ruin working-class neighborhoods and squeeze out poorer citizens, supporters have argued that these authorities, however undemocratic they may have been in spirit, nonetheless served the greater public good.

"There is no chance that the EU/NYCAA will make the mistakes that Robert Moses made," Canaille stressed. "While some of New York's other public authorities may well be seen as meaningless, ossified, coffer-draining bureaucracies staffed by faceless unelected civil-service lifers who get salaries for sitting at their desks and playing solitaire and freecell, clearly no one would ever say such a thing about the EU."

Canaille then left for her annual 36-week vacation.

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