HAVANA Cigars - Ailing leader Fidel Castro resigned as Cuba's president from his nearly 50 year reign early Tuesday, saying in a letter published in online official media that he would not accept a new term when the newly elected parliament meets on Sunday.
When asked for a statement, President Castro commented, "I don't see the use of continuing as President. That darn Bush told me he is going to take over anyway right after he gets the North American Union passed. He said he intends to include South America as well, and just call it the American Union. I'm getting too old for this crap. I just don't care anymore. I guess he deserves to be dictator as much as anyone, but I sure wish he'd learn how to speak properly. His half-broken language is sure hard to understand. I wonder if he does any better with English?"
Castro said that he plans to retire in the little villa that George W. Bush bought for him. It comes complete with a mansion for him and 24 hour medical care.
President Bush commented, "Every room has cameras installed in case he falls ill or is attacked by terrorists evildoers who want to do him evil." "We can't have harmdoers doing harm to one of my compadres," said Bush. "I'm sad to see him go after his 50 year reign, but, as they say in Texas, If you can't win 'em, join... beat 'em. If ya' can't win, ya' just can't win again."