Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 18 February 2008

image for British Law To Be Introduced In Saudi Arabia
Women will also be 'treated equally'

Saudi Arabia has announced that, in a landmark reciprocal agreement with the British government and the Church of England, it will introduce British Law in place of Sharia Law from next month.

The move comes after Dr Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury, advocated the use of two systems of law in Britain, in what was seen as a call for Islamiphication of British Law, and which was strongly resisted by all aside from a few 'clown friends' of the Archbishop at the General Synod.

Officials in Saudi, however, have said that, contrary to popular belief, they admire certain aspects of British Law, and have made substantial changes to their judicial system.

Until now, theft in the Gulf state meant that a finger was removed; subsequent misdemeanours resulted in the chopping of other fingers, hands, arms and so on, until only an ear remained. Other crimes attracted tariffs as diverse as flogging for fornication in public, and death for 'dabbling with another's husband/wife'. These offences will now be punishable in accordance with British Law.

Thus, stealing and car theft will be ignored until the miscreant has built up a significant portfolio of crime, and adultery will be treated as if it were funny, and male participants awarded a metaphorical 'badge of honour' of street credibility.

Stoning of juveniles will remain in the weaponry of Saudi judges, but the size of the stones used will be reduced to the size of a garden pea, so as not to cause harm to the poor little criminals. ASBOs will be introduced as a deterrent, as they have met with much success in this country.

A government spokesman, who wished to remain nameless, said:

"It's inevitable. Our police and judicial systems are at the forefront of world justice. It's only natural that other countries would want to follow our lead."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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