Written by Chuck Terzella
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Saturday, 24 April 2004

image for Research? Phew!
You Decide

The latest Phew! Research Poll has addressed the burning question: Which is the Uglier Warmonger, Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon or Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat.

Of the ten thousand respondents, exactly half voted for Sharon and half went with Arafat. The questions covered the following attributes: noses, facial hair, lips, smiles and waistlines. While Sharon was ahead in grossest waistlines, Arafat won the most disgusting facial hair category. Respondents were split on rubbery lips and misshapen, bulbous noses. However, more people thought that Yasser Arafat had a more winning smile while the majority felt that Sharon exuded a boyish charm.

The Phew! Research Poll has a margin of error of plus or minus 50 points, but Head Researcher P. F. Gurgle was quoted as saying, " I tend to believe that the poll is entirely accurate, in so far as it goes. We never asked respondents if they thought that there were any uglier World Leaders who also mongered wars, or if Israel or Palestine was in the right. We concentrated entirely on physical attributes which to us was the most important things. To be honest, I wish Golda Mier was in the running along with Margaret Thatcher, but sadly, it wasn't meant to be."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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